Where’d you go?

When I first started this blog it was about my journey to becoming Estella Grace, a fictional 1940’s housewife who vacuums the house in heels. Of course as we all know perfection doesn’t exist and I was far from perfect. I cursed a lot, I drank a lot, and in my free time I would karaoke. During this crazy journey called my life, I met a lot of different people, penniless artists, which I began to write about. I got a chance to jump into different worlds and try them out until I found what fit me best. I did A LOT of yoga and I became very invested in my spiritual practice as well as my life purpose. I will never be the girl who stops drinking and becomes a vegetarian, but I wanted something more meaningful than designing rich people’s homes.

I always had a dream of having my own home brand, but it was something I saw further down the road for myself. Some little girls watch Miss America, but I watched Bob Vila and Martha Stewart. I wanted to cook bread from scratch and make doughnuts when I was 7. I was very big on the home and I knew I was supposed to be an interior designer at a very early age. This brand encompassed all of who I was and was an opportunity to give back on a larger scale. With the push of several friends and mentors I began developing the story. It took many months of diligent research, hiring, and branding, but as all roads do, I hit a bump. I thought I had a plan, but plans are meant to fall a part. I went into what I call a transformative cocoon and I began to look inward, which at times felt like I was going backwards.

I took a job that was beneath me, allowing me the time to focus on this dream, but the paycheck wasn’t what I was promised. I prayed a lot and I discovered a different type of yoga ~ Kundalini. I found myself transported to a scene in Eat Pray Love reciting mantras while holding strange poses. I couldn’t see where I was going, or how I was going to get there, but I could only keep moving, taking one step each day in a new direction. This is the “sucky” part of your journey, but for some it is the defining moment when you are in the darkness and come to face your deepest fears and insecurities.

What do you do? Well, like Snoop Lion and every other artist does, I was reinventing myself. I was digging really deep and looking around at the new people who surrounded me. They were positive, they were strong, and they were put in my path to keep me going. I could have easily given up, lost my apartment, and checked out. I’d speak to my sales associate Ted disheartened by our sales, “This is my ‘what the fuck’ time in my life.”

He’d laugh at me. “Well, I tend to look at it as charity work. Don’t worry, it will all come back to you.”

I listened to Ted and when he surprised me one morning reading out loud a blog post I had written over a year ago I was in disbelief. He began laughing out loud, barely able to complete one sentence into the next, sending me into a frenzy. “You were a cave person?”

I had forgotten about all the experiences that made me who I was. This was my defining moment, me watching Ted laugh – my blog in front of him. You don’t know how you affect others, but by simply being and writing, I was already doing what I set out to accomplish with my brand.

As all endings do, this one had a happy one. I began pushing myself in new directions, coming out of my shell, and I moved on from that job. I began knocking on doors and I was led somewhere better.

I am now designing healthcare facilities helping people who REALLY need a good designer, because most of them don’t ever choose  THIS PLACE as their home. I also found the missing ingredient from my “Home Brand.” It was well…me. I forgot to tell that part of the story, but by loving yourself, demanding more for yourself, that surpasses any bump in the road, and I have finally broken free. Since I have gone through a bit of my own transformation I thought it would only make sense to change my blog(s) into the sweeter version of myself that I have now become. Don’t worry, I don’t vacuum in heels, but I sure do drink my beer out of a canning glass. 😉

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Every morning Ted would play this video for me. I bet he didn’t know he was part of my defining moment.

To breaking free and letting yourself shine ~

Estella Grace

 

#breakfree #shinebright #inspiration #writing

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