Song: Where is Love – Oliver
I woke up with this song in my head today. I thought it was from the musical Les Miserables, but realized soon after it was from Oliver. My mother loved Oliver and when I played the song it took me back to a time of innocence. It’s such a sweet song that leaves you with a lump in your throat. It got me thinking about a quote I heard recently when Carrie pours her heart out in Paris.
“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. And I don’t think that love is here, in this expensive suite, in this lovely hotel in Paris.”
~ Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
I didn’t search my entire life looking for love unless it is this kind. It’s how I have always felt, on a quest for true love. I am a hopeless romantic and I want to feel this way about the one I marry. I almost settled down, but then I realized I don’t want to settle…I want to change that ridiculous expression and I want to “happy-down” with a man.
The holidays are coming up which tend to highlight the ones who are still searching. Many of my dear friends have ghosts in their closet. That’s what I call them. Everyone has them – the ones who got away. They either linger in the background or when they finally do step forward, you realize you outgrew them – or they are ‘the one’.
I would imagine Estella Grace to have been married by now. As a housewife of the 1940’s she would have settled down around 18, had kids by 20, and be well on her way to insanity by age 30. I chose a life that is a bit different than her. I decided to figure out who I was first before I “happied-down.”
I saw a couple in my dream last night. They were high school sweethearts and they got married in their late 20’s. Come to think of it I was at their wedding. I hadn’t seen them in years, but in my dream they were still playfully happy. They had two children, a fenced in yard they were very proud of, and they were in love – perhaps to show me that it does exist.
When I do “happy-down” I am going to have a similar response to when I chose the curtain on Let’s Make a Deal. When someone asks me “Are you sure this is the one?”
I’m going to scream, “I know he’s the one and it is going to be uh-mazing!!”
– Estella G.