Safe and Sound…

Song: Taylor Swift – Safe & Sound

My jeans and leather boots are the foreground to the wheat fields swaying across the country side. The sun glows down upon the golden, willow-like tips. I watch the sun set from the back porch of a wooden house. I am curled up comfortably in an Adirondack chair nestled under my long grey sweater. I lean onto my left arm as the back of my thumb and hand is pressed gently against the side of my forehead. My right hand holds my sweater across my body covering most of my face. I peak out from behind the collar and squint from the crisp air hitting my eyes. I am at peace – staring off into the distance.

I am alone, but I feel loved – angels all around me. There is apart of me that wonders what it’s like to have a place that feels like home. The place where you feel safe again, taken care of. I know a different feeling now. A place within my heart. The strange part about it being gone is that I fear finding it again, having that sense of security, a family there to greet you every day…I fear it may slip away.

From being alone I’ve discovered a new sense of home – seeing and feeling what’s not there beside me – my mother, a chill across my neck. Knowing nature is alive and breathing with me, in the here and now. A feeling of peace and contentment internally that I can’t describe – a twinkle in my brown eye. Home seems to come in new ways, people who pass in and out of my life, smells from childhood, Old Spice, pumpkin, and cinnamon…

What I used to expect as a young girl – what I’d externally look for, I have to find on the inside now. I am my own boss, my own parent, protector, and teacher. I am my own sense of home, knowing I will be okay at the end of the day. That I am protected and being watched over. I have to surrender to the external forces and seek shelter in the warmth of the setting sun upon my face. As I close my eyes, the gentle winds rock me to sleep and I know at night fall after the sun goes down, everything will be okay…

– Estella Grace

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