To My Father…

Song: After the Storm – Mumford and Sons

My father disappeared from my life again. It’s not the first time it’s happened, but the sad part is that I hadn’t even noticed. I didn’t suspect anything when he didn’t return my calls or text messages. Instead somebody had to tell me. It’s weird ya know, the whole not choosing your parents thing. I got dealt an interesting hand. I don’t resent him. Sometimes I get sad though, sad that he hasn’t visited me in over 3 years, that I can’t remember the last actual holiday I spent with him, and that I will never have a home to come back to.

I’m not normally this open on blog posts, but there was a situation that was never resolved. In fact, it had just been swept under the rug for 15 years and I spoke my truth. I question as to whether I would do it again, now knowing the consequences, but I arrive to the same answer each time. I had already lost him. So once again he’s gone and the timing was impeccable. He left my life at the exact same time a guy I was dating did. Both of them left without speaking their truth to me. The universe speaks loudly and I got the message.

So today I have decided to move forward and choose LOVE. I am releasing the pain and rejection, focusing on the people who want me in their life, and don’t just leave without saying goodbye.

I am going to put effort into those that care and appreciate me, because the “truth” is, avoidance, denial, sweeping things under the rug – those things hurt far more. Lies will unfold, and the only thing we can do for ourselves is learn how to speak and live our own truth, sharing our gifts honestly and openly.

As far as my father goes, I’ve learned when people disappear, other one’s seem to show up in their place – even father’s. I am embracing this shift and surrendering to this path.

To my father – I’m sorry if I disappointed you — hurt you with my writing, but it seems that is the only way we can communicate. As for all the penniless suitar players who have crossed my path, I am closing this chapter, and I’m closing my 2nd book on you…

“The Penniless Suitar Player – A Memoir of Love and Lust.”

Sincerely,

Estella G.

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