The Show Must Go On…

The Show Must Go On – Moulin Rouge

Painting the clouds away with water-color… Sometimes you have to take inventory of your life and scrap what’s not working. I hold onto things, people sometimes. It is part of the cycle, the roller coaster ride. While my pinky toe is broken and swollen along with half of my foot I am still optimistic. I watched the Moulin Rouge yesterday and it felt like I was seeing it for the first time.

There are many beliefs in this movie I hold firm as my own. Always speak the truth and the bohemian belief in LOVE conquering all things, even money. There has been a reoccuring theme of the penniless writer or suitar player in my own life, which has been a struggle because I am drawn to guys on the same adventure as me. There is something to be said for finding that one true love that surpasses all obstacles. I still want to believe in that, but a car seems to be a deal breaker these days. I’m sure there are other lessons to learn from this masterpiece, but perhaps the biggest one for me is “The Show Must Go On.”

In life, shit happens, dreams are delayed. My brother Elliot came up with a good analogy the other day – in following your dreams, sometimes you hit traffic. There’s the “in between times”, the slow days, when nothing seems to be happening. These are the times when you must pick up the pieces and keep on moving – in any direction.

When I was a little girl I would listen to A Chorus Line the musical. I would memorize and sing the songs over and over again in front of my bedroom mirror. About a year later I became obsessed with the Phantom of the Opera, and a year after that I wanted to be Annie. Pipe dreams you might say, but somehow when I turned 22 those pipe dreams began shouting at me, and I felt I had turned my back on such a huge part of myself because – I didn’t believe in myself.

Perhaps it would have been easier to stay on course if someone believed in me. I don’t want to torment you with my childhood woes, after all, that ‘s what my book is for, but it seems these past several years I’ve had to take a detour down a wild path in order to find that little shining star. I was that girl once, fearless and bold, singing my way through plays, musicals, chorus, church, and then I lost her – been trying to find her ever since…

Some people say it’s a choice to be an artist and I would have to disagree. This is the road less traveled and the thought of returning to an office scares me more than going broke on the streets.

To be an artist is to discover something bigger than myself, a voice, a piece of my soul to be shared with the world…I don’t quite know how to explain it, other than the fact it is how I have felt my entire life.

I am learning to be kinder to myself, realizing those years were not lost. They simply allowed me to gain a fresh perspective on the life I lead now. I’ve had the opportunity to see the other side filled with cubicles, thermostats set to 60, and lot’s of dark masks. I don’t believe in coincidences, and what seemed at the time as life tragedies, have led me back to where I was supposed to be. I just couldn’t see it then.

Watching this film yesterday brought back that same passion I had as a child and for the first time in a long time I submitted for a singing role. It’s a small step I know, but for me it was so much more. It was a step toward sharing my voice with the world, which is kind of what this blog is about.

It’s funny, as you get older you think you’re gonna have it all figured out, but it seems to be quite the opposite. The older you get, the more confused you become, and you think, maybe, just maybe you had it right when you were a kid. I’m beginning to think the real secret to life is getting back to who you are before all the headaches of teenage adolescence begin.

Whatever the case, I’ve learned in your lowest low, “The Show Must Go On,” because there is a part of you who already knows this is what you came here to do and perhaps it’s because you were meant to succeed at it. 🙂

By the way Baz Luhrmann I think you’re a freakin genius and if you ever need an actor, singer, dancer, or extra to be on set, I’m your girl!

You inspire me,

– Estella Grace

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