I think music and writing go together. Here is the song I listened to while writing this. The XX – Intro
A dark poetic take on love and addiction.
Love, Love…someone once said those very words to me during a game of tennis. I thought he was telling me he loved me.
The broken birds, I love them all. I love to love…tapping into a piece of their soul, a look into their eyes.
I don’t even remember the color, but I know them for a brief moment, and I hold onto that moment because I know it was our last; pathetic I now feel sipping on a glass of wine.
We are acting in a scene together. It’s not even real, but I hope for something real cause I can’t touch his soul other than behind a paper filled with lines. The struggling artist, the penniless suitar player, or whatever you want to call it. The voice of absinthe with the sound of the “Can Can” playing in the background. Songs that now haunt me, capturing what I only hoped was true. To hardly know you.
You inspire me broken bird, you change me, intrigue me, rattling my cage – forever changing a perspective on life I once held firm – before I met you.
Do you see what I see? How special you are…your potential?
I dream of you on occasion – all of you. Some just stand and watch me. While others confess what they don’t have the courage to say in waking life. I’m not just another girl. I am a girl who wants to save you from yourself.
I fall victim to your crazed madness filled with alcohol and drugs, and you fulfilled a fantasy I never knew existed, a musician, an artist – it is my drug as I lay victim to you, writing these moments into the night hours. And you are victim to lines that are not on a piece of paper, broken as the black bird that found me. I remain stuck on a possibility of great and that is what traps me from moving past this one damn moment.
You said I scare you, but you scare me more, because black bird I can’t get you out of my fucking head, stuck in this moment forever with you. Did you feel it too? When you watched my smile shake. I tried to look away, but you grabbed my hand instead.
I know you saw me coming, my light shining bright. I saw you stare at me across the room, piercing through me, crazed, and afraid…but the light moves on from the dark shadows and all I have left is that moment. Cause I am addicted to a moment with you.
To love and other drugs…
– Estella Grace